Original Post Date: January 28, 2015
I have this friend who I was very close with at one point but over time, due to various situations, our closeness had faded. I had strongly believed that much of our separation was because, I am a woman who has to speak her mind. I was raised that honesty is always the best policy…however my delivery was not ALWAYS the smoothest (I recognize that now). Let’s just say I have grown quite a bit, thankfully! I later discovered that, our ‘tiff’ involved other factors. Although, my venomous honesty played a role, there were other contributions that factored into to our temporary departure from this friendship. It was a pleasant surprise to know that even though my opinions were not always welcomed, they were appreciated…mostly. Luckily with time and work we were able to repair much of the damage done to our friendship.
However, our long and exhausting spat led to conflict within myself…
Is it better to speak your mind in relationships and friendships or forever hold your peace?
This is one of the most difficult battles I have been faced with (internally) thus far. My biggest concern was how do I stay true to myself and what I believe without hurting the people I care about? I want to be honest but what is speaking my mind truly worth? On the other hand, if I do not say what I feel my friends need to hear, am I really being a good friend? After being ‘Ms. Too Honest’, I had decided to switch gears and make a strong attempt at being the wallflower friend. I listened, did not warrant my opinions until asked, and remained…quite. The funny thing about that is, my friend did not like me that way! She felt I was distant and closed and I guess to an extent… I was but I felt I could not help it. I did not want to continue to hurt her feelings and be her enemy so I made a choice. It was the most uncomfortable choice I had made in a long time. I felt scripted, and phony, and every second of it disgusted me! I knew that I could not journey on this way with her or anyone else in my life I deemed close. So I reassessed and chose the former, honesty. I would rather be a woman who takes the hard right and stands for what she believes in then, live to appease everyone because the truth is…you can’t no matter how hard you try. Ever since then I have felt as free as a bird!
Tell me, when it comes to your friendships what do you think? Is it better to speak your mind with your friends or silence your thoughts for fear of confrontation?